Labor Day Weekend

I can’t believe summer is over just about and I am actually happy about it. Its been a long summer, kids on break since May. ugh I love Autumn but with the changing season comes yet another birthday…I will be 36 Oct. 2nd. Where did the time go? I have also seen some tree’s turning orange already, its been really chilly in the morning lately. I think I better have Ron check the furnace before we really need it.

I had a pretty good week of eating..controlled. I went to our first football game to see our son march and I didn’t get anything from the concession stand. YEA Mel! lol The pics of Matt aren’t the best because my camera isn’t the greatest. lol My kid is holding a trombone ( he is the only one I think-small school) to the left of him is a kid wearing brown shorts…Matt has blue jeans.

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My baby is 14 now…oy!

I had a rough day yesterday and I can’t believe I didn’t turn to food to get through it. We have been doing testing for my son Gabe who we have known had a learning impairment and we thought possibly Aspergers like my son Jesse. We got the feedback from the Neuro Psych we have been working with…the dx is Cognitive Impaired. He also is impaired with his motor skills due to his having Marfans like me. He has trouble writing because he doesn’t have the strength to hold the pencil for long. Its been a struggle to get the resource teacher to listen to me last year but at least now I have back up. The Dr. did her own research and testing on Gabe and she agreed with me 100%. Gabe shut down last year, I nearly pulled him out of school. He didn’t progress and in some ways regressed with skills. I won’t put him through it again. He starts on Tuesday but I am going to request a meeting and we may be moving him to a more inclusive school. The Dr. recommended they scale back when they expect from him. He is in 3rd grade now but cognitively our son is still 5 yrs old. I think we need to move him to a special school so that he doesn’t have that pressure…the teasing stops…and he can have time to catch up hopefully and feel good about himself. The special school’s purpose is to build your child up so they can return back to main stream. The Dr. offered to come to his IEP or come and talk to the school team on her recommendations for free because she is afraid our son is slipping through the cracks. He needs much more support than what I think the school can give right now due to the pressures from the state and the NO CHILD left behind act that has done nothing more than cause more problems for our special needs children. The Dr. also recommended they get more technology for Gabe to use in lieu of using a pencil…again that takes funding and a willing teacher. I am praying that his new resource teacher will be as supportive as she was with our Autistic son.

So yesterday I was feeling devastated, similar to how you feel when you are told your child is Autistic or a miscarriage. I can say that because I have been through both. I am slowly getting back into what my oldest calls “Mommy Mode” lol.I have contacts that I can call on in Special Education, due in part because I am involved in the PAC for Special Ed. I represent our district county wide. I did have a craving to go buy chocolate and cry but I didn’t. Maybe I am turning a corner on the battle of emotional eating.

No plans for our holiday weekend…just Back 2 School shopping (yes I am a procrastinator lol) and we will spend the afternoon by the pool at Geneva either today or tomorrow. I also need to do laundry and figure out what the kids are going to wear the first week.

I need to eat breakfast…have a safe Labor Day Weekend!

A Meme from a Fellow Blogger

1. What were you doing 10 years ago?We were moving into our house with our two oldest boys. It was a rough and exciting time, we had also found that Jesse was Autistic finally after lots of testing and in Oct. I was pg for twins and then lost them both by 11 wks. It was tough.

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list for today:
umm
Finish my accounting 2 project
Go to school and turn it in
Laundry
Take my 2 youngest to their meet n greet at school
Go to the bank and grocery store

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Fresh vegs (mushrooms, tomato, carrots etc ) dipped into Hummus
Almonds mixed with a 100 cal snack from Hersheys
Kashi Bars
fresh sliced avocado drizzled with balsalmic
sugar free Philly swirls..0 pts

4. Things I would do if I were a billionare:
Take care of my debts and loved ones
Buy a home big enough for our family and my mother can have a separate carriage house lol
Do more to support charities like the National Marfan Foundation and Autism Research
Take a family vacation and hire a nanny so dh and I can have our time too.

5. Places I have lived:
Athens, Texas
Several places in Michigan…from Wixom to Mackinac Island

And who am I tagging?

Well, if you want to do this meme, please do! Then come back here and tell me.

Check out the blog where I snagged the Meme from as well. Thanks

WW Update

I finally had the time to go to Weight Watchers, it seemed everytime I wanted to go something else came up. I knew I had a good loss going for the week but I was overjoyed when I found out it was 4 POUNDS & 8 whole ounces!! I will definitely take that!

The meeting was good, talked about your mindset when you eat and your comfort zone and do you know what it feels to be satisfied when you eat or do you eat until you are bloated because you can’t recognise the sensation of having enough. I have that problem, often I will inhale my food because I am on the run or WAY too hungry so I am in starving mode. I have really worked on my portions so that I can avoid over eating and I have focused on eating at regular times even if its something small. My favorite snack right now is a small handful of almonds in a snack baggie and I add a small bag of 100 Calorie Snacksters from Hersheys.

They have them in two different flavors:
HERSHEY’S – cereal puffs, chocolate chip cookies, and semi-sweet & milk chocolate chips 2pts
REESE’S – cereal puffs, peanut butter chips, cereal squares, and REESE’S PIECES 2pts

I am a PB girl so I usually go for the Reese’s. lol Mix with a lil bit of almonds and chased with a bottle of water and you are FULL. In all the snack is 4 pts if I add almonds but its worth it and I am not reaching for something else 20 minutes later.

I did have one bummer though. I called my mom after to share my good news. I have to chalk it up to my mom wasn’t thinking about how her words could hurt me but instead of just being happy she edged it with don’t be surprised when you gain it all back. I was astounded to hear her say that and I rebutted with that I plan not to. Her idea is that I have been under the weather and not eating as much because of it so when I am better I will gain it all back. Well, I disagree because I kind of feel like my stomach has shrunk some too and I am just not as hungry. I feel MORE in control than I have been in the past and even if she is right what a thing to say to someone who WAS on a high from feeling good. I quickly got off the phone with her so I wouldn’t say something out of anger or hurt and I haven’t called her tonight. I am sure she will call me tomorrow but I at this moment feel deflated and not sure if I want to talk to her. After I hung up with her I called and left my husband a voice mail about it all and my loss and when I got to work he gave me a hug and was really happy for me. He knows this is important to me and he has been really supportive.

How do we deal with loved ones who say things inadvertantly to sabotage you?

I am chalking it up to she is going on 64 and just wasn’t thinking her words out. I dunno..I love my mom and she is my best friend but sometimes I have to wonder WTF is she thinking kwim? I need to get busy on homework before DS #1 needs to be picked up from band practice at 9pm.

Life

Dentist

Its funny how it keeps coming and slapping me in the face. I go along my merry way and its hunky dorry and BOOM LIFE. My husband left on a work related trip to Nebraska on the 14th and my mom came up to help me with the kids. Things going just fine and then Tuesday I had a filling fall out and I was forced to go to the dentist. I have a death fear of Dentist…I would rather give birth again without drugs than go to the Dentist. Seriously…my kids on the other hand never miss a cleaning and I am proud to say have been cavity free for the last 3 cleanings. lol SO I sucked it up a couple of weeks ago when I chipped a tooth and went to the Dentist with the plan to return on Aug. 25th for my first cleaning in 9 yrs. Last Tuesday LIFE decided to roll in and I had a filling fall out from a tooth that was badly broken for just as long. I knew there was no repairing it which made me stay away from the Dentist all the more. I now had no choice. I had no pain but it was the PAIN I was afraid I would end up in. They got me in the next morning when they opened and 2 hours later came to the agreement that I had to have it removed. Unfortunately, the tooth had a sinus cavity resting against according to Xray so a half hour later and a race across town I was sitting in the Oral Surgeon chair. Luckily with lots of gas and numbing he was able to pull it out with cutting and no perforation of my sinus.

I spent the rest of the day recovering at home with my friend Vicodin. lol By Thursday I had the beginning of a sinus infection. Friday I lost my voice completely..that’s always fun. NOBODY TAKES you seriously when you squeak especially your kids. An hour before I had to pick my dh up from the airport I went into Prime Care and got a young baby face Dr. I explained to him what I felt my dx was because its a history thing with me. He was sure I had strep but I assured him it was pharyngitis (look it up)…he did a strep anways and the rapid came back negative. I told him not to make the mistake the last Dr. I saw there made and that is give me a weak antibiotic. The last time that happened I ended up in the ER with a mild concussion two days after I finished the round of med because I got dizzy and fell due to a massive sinus infection. He then said he was sending the strep out for a culture…fine whatever…but he was going to give me Omnicef which is more heavy duty than regular Amoxicillin. He was listening. lol He wanted to give me Flonase but I asked him if he knew whether it was safe for me to take considering my hypertension and aortic dilation. He quickly backed down, I don’t think he really knew but he didn’t want to take a chance since my aorta meaures 4.1 right now. lol

My silver lining this week: I dropped down to 216lbs Thursday because I was unable to eat.
What sucks: I have been taking Vicodin since Wednesday afternoon and I have gained 3lbs NOT from being able to eat but because of the constipation. So once I can go I should be down a few lbs hopefully. roflmao

LIFE!

2 kids at Camp

It’s our first time sending these 2 particular kids to camp, Jesse is Autistic and Gabe has emotional delays and well, I worry. I am a pretty protective momma and its hard to let your kids experience things and take risks that they might not be understood or appreciated for their quirkieness.

The good part of this camp is that I work there but that bad part is that I work there. lol I watched Gabe play in the field outside my window today and at one point he plopped down with his head on his knees. OH NOOO I know that body signal. It took about 5 minutes for his counselor to notice, they were all playing a game of relay tag and you are talking about 50 kids on the field running back and forth. The counselor plopped beside him and talked to him and pretty soon Gabe got up with him and took a walk. I pray he is able to reach my son over the next few days. Jesse looked a little lost, he is a loner due to his Autism. Before he walked into his cabin he said to me “Mom…I have a good feeling that I might make a friend here!” Jesse has no idea how my heart prays that he truly does make a connection with a friend. It was like the first day of Kindergarten all over again and I was a bit teary as I walked away with my husband and youngest. Ron put his arm around me and said “They will be fine honey!” Easy for him to say. lol

So it was an emotional day for me. I didn’t let myself go though…I stayed on plan and I am feeling good about that. I had no control really what happened at camp but I had total control over how I was going to react and worry. I came in just under my taget of 29 pts and plan to get my last 20 oz of H20 before bed for a total of 60. I got in all my servings of veggies n fruits, oils and dairy. I’m GOOD!

The scale moved down a lil bit this morning so I am moving in the right direction. Just need to take it one day at a time.

Integrity

“Doing the right thing, even when nobody is watching!”

I have been thinking about that qoute a lot lately, especially when it comes to eating healthy and getting exercise in. I got into a cycle of hiding food for awhile, I don’t know why I did. I don’t have anyone that would chastise me for my choices, except myself. Sometimes I hid it because of the kids, if they saw me eating something sweet then they would want it too and I didn’t want to share it. Selfish I know. lol

This past week I have really strived to focus on doing right even though nobody is looking. I haven’t felt the need to get my fair share in..something I think I have held onto since I was a kid. I had two big brothers and if you didn’t get your share you might as well kiss it goodbye. Its pretty much the same thing in my house now. Before WW’s I had bought some Ben N Jerry’s and I was proud that I could eat just a few bites and put it back in the freezer…it met my need without consuming the whole thing. Only to find out a few nights later when I had another craving my ice cream was GONE! Both my husband and oldest son are the culprits and it really makes for a bitchy mommy! lol

So along with staying OP I am trying to focus on those habits that I developed since I was a kid and retraining my thinking about food. No hording or hiding…and I am striving to eat right and live a healthy attitude even though nobody is watching.

I had a pretty good OP Tuesday and even got my exercise in. I got busy with my homework when I got home and figured I would have to skip it. It was 10pm and I asked my dh if he would mind going with me down to the lake so I could swim. My husband is a magnut for mosquitoes and sweat flies and every bite makes him swell. I was surprised that he agreed to go with me…I decided to skinny dip which I am sure is a big motivator on his part. lol He doesn’t swim as well as me so he bobbed along on his innertube. lol We did two laps on the lake and it was beautiful…no moon but the stars were out in abundance. We had beautiful music provided by the crickets and frogs and a few jumping fish. The water had a mist over it so my nudie butt wasn’t as apparent to the neighbors who might look out their back windows. lol DH asked if I wanted to do it again tonight..he wants to be supportive. lol

I truly need to get moving. Its going on 10 am and I need to get my breakfast in and sort laundry and pack for 2 of my kids who are leaving for 3 day summer camp tomorrow. I am totally NOT ready for it. ugh

Dealing with stress without being emotional

Yesterday was a tough day for me, my boss was being an ass. He gave me conflicting directions that led me to waste my day doing something different that I had done right the first time, had he taken the time to really explain it to me. He was in a bad mood due to his other employee and he becomes unapproachable. I really wanted to tell him to take his payroll and shove where the sun doesn’t shine and then he wanted me to organize his budget comparison so it looked pretty. He ended up submitting the payroll while I did the other and I let him know that his attitude was making it difficult to work with. Just because he is upset with someone else doesn’t mean he has to bring it into our office and expect me to accept it. Of course, I can say these things because my boss is my husband and what is he going to do? Fire me? Sometimes I wish! lol He apoligised and we got past it.

I was in such a good mood when I  came to work and I went to WW’s for the first time again and had an awesome meeting and met some nice people and made a date for next Wednesday with this other girl to attend the meeting together. I get back to work and I am hit with his pissy attitude and short on response when I ask for help or clarification. WTH? The old me would have grabbed a scone off the counter and took my aggressions out on it but I kept my cool and reminded myself that the problem has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him and how HE is handling his own stress.

I had a great day eating despite being in a kids camp environment. We had french bread pizza for lunch so I cut the portion in half and only took that half along with lots of salad and some fruit. Breakfast was the same way…breakfast pizza. ugh So I only took a 1/4 of the size and lots of fruit and 1 slice of bacon with my ff milk. I was satisfied. Dinner got thrown for a loop and I ended up rushing home to pick up the kids and take one to school for Band Practice and the other 3 went with me back to Camp for dinner. We had chicken breast, mashed potatoes and my husband made me a nice salad to go with it. I think I used too much butter just to make the potatoes taste like something.

NOTE TO SELF: If you have to make something taste like something, its most likely not worth something to eat. lol I didn’t have a large portion either thankfully.

So I think I had a pretty good day…not perfect but I’m retraining here.

Our meeting was all about Exercise and getting into the mindset. I have physical limitations when it comes to exercise because of my back pain and I have a dialated aorta. The best exercise for me is swimming and luckily we have a lake out behind our house. I have been swimming every other day which is good for me. Its my time to relax and regroup and I feel so THIN when I SWIM! lol Gotta love that!

WW’s officially weighed me and as I expected they found me to weigh more than my home scale. Not gonna let this discourage me. It wasn’t too bad either, they put me at 222.6 which is what I thought I weighed last Friday. So any progress on my scale means nothing to them, but thank goodness I started last Friday otherwise I would have been a couple of lbs higher still. lol I am looking forward to meeting the challenge of each day this week and getting another chance to prove myself on their scale.

A girl can change her mind.

I don’t know if I can call yesterday a successful day or not. I began it well by having breakfast before we left to go into town. Dh and I were going to go to work to check on things and then play on the beach since our work is set up on the cliffs of Lake Michigan. It was a beautiful day! We got there and found out there was open swim so we felt guilty, we went home to get whatever munchkins wanted to go. Before we went home we had lunch buffet at our favorite Chinese place called Wok In-Wok Out. They saved me…they didn’t have the stuffed mushrooms I so dearly devour mindlessly. Instead I had fresh salmon with my salad and a small sampling of fried rice, 2 small ragoons, fresh strawberries and a pot sticker. I didn’t go up for 2nds…I was sooo good!

Ron walking the lazy river, hauling Emma

I got lots of sun and some exercise, but I think Ron got more. He not only carries his weight but he usually has 59 lbs of Emma and sometimes double if Gabe wants to hang on him too. Gabe made a friend and was off jumping into the deep end. His accomplishment: Touching Bottom! Emma worked on swimming in the deep too. I love where we work! Next weekend, we have invited my family up to spend the day and then we are going to picnic below on Lake Michigan. My stepbrother and his family will be here from Texas.

We left Geneva about 4 pm and went to the grocery store to get  some produce. We made the kids corn dogs for dinner and Ron grilled a Turkey tenderloin for us with fresh asparagus. I made a grape tomato and avocado salad using Olive oil drizzle and lime juice. It was delicious paired with the tenderloin.

About an hour or two after dinner I had a sugar craving. This is the most dangerous time because 9 times out of 10 my husband won’t stop me. lol We drove into the local grocery and headed where else? The Icecream aisle! I looked everything over including the 100 calories ice cream treats..the whole time thinking they aren’t big enough to satisfy me and I would want another or my 14 yr old would eat them up by Monday. I didn’t want to waste my money. Ron picked out the popcycles for the kids and I was going to get my fave Ben n Jerry Cookies n Mint but I no sooner had it in my hot little hands when I found myself not wanting it anymore. WHO IS THIS WOMAN? My husband asked me what was wrong and I just looked at him and said “Nothing…I just realized that it isn’t what I really wanted!” He reached in for his Dove ice cream and I had walked down away from the temptation and he asked ” You don’t want anything?” I told him again, that I really didn’t. I thought its what I needed and wanted but for once I realized I don’t. I then kind of reminded him of the amount of calories he was about to consume and he too wants to get his body in better shape and lose his buddah belly. lol A gal walking past me kind of chuckled and Ron thought about it a few minutes. Like a little boy his shoulders dropped and walked back to the freezer and put his Ice cream back. I know he was disapointed and I told him that it had to be his decision. He said he knew I was right it was just hard. We came home and the kids asked where our treat was because usually we have something for just US. I didn’t feel deprived…I did have a FF Pudding cup though. lol

This morning the scale went down a little bit more…I  know we made the right decision!

Its kind of nice to be a girl who can change her mind!

Can’t sleep

I woke up about 5 am unable to sleep. Restless and anxious, funny how life creeps up on you in a sound sleep and screams “WAKE UP!” Dh was kind enough to switch sides of the bed with me so I could use the laptop. It’s going on 7 am and I am dying for a cup of coffee but out of respect for dh I won’t get up to make it. In the house you do what you can to keep the rugrats asleep.

I rejoined WW’s yesterday, against my dh’s feelings. Its my money…I will throw it away if I wanna! Later at the grocery store he didn’t say a word as I shopped for the old WW staples. Just a few to get me through the week until payday again. I need to run to the library and print off my temp card and hit my first meeting at noon. I am taking this one day at a time…baby steps…its all I can muster.

Yesterday went okay, except I was under my points by 8.5.

**Note to self: EAT BREAKFAST BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!**

So, what am I anxious about?

School, work, kids, dh leaving for Nebraska in a week and we are a month behind on the mortgage etc and wondering how I will manage until he gets back? His response: Everything will be fine! He has no idea how this weighs on me emotionally and how it plays a part on me physically. I just want to smack him sometimes.

Giving in…I have to get MY COFFEE!