WARNING: I am not as sweet as I use to be. lol

I am trying to find some holiday cheer and its a struggle. lol

CLICK THE LINK

I have only myself to blame…just too busy! Yes…WL is not in my front-burner either and I don’t know when it will. It seems like since my last post I think in early Sept. I have been running wild and running amuck with life and issues. I am still working part time and I just took on my 3rd Accounting class…voluntarily. lol I must be nuts! I love it though and it will count towards the equivelant if and when I can afford to go to college to work on an Associates. I was going to be done with school at the end of October…NOW. But I got a much needed extension…I just need to get my ducks in a row.

It’s freezing here in Michigan..woke up to snow on the ground and a temp of 31. It should be melting though. The kids are excited but we are far from ready for this…no boots or accessories and where the heck are the snow pants from last year and why do kids grow so fast! I need to get a full time job that pays more. lol

I won’t make this a long blogging…I am trying to bowl at www.pogo.com and its hard to blog and bowl. KWIM I just wanted to pop by and say “Hey!” and I will get back to doing this again soon. I am trying to sort myself out right now. I recently had my annual work up on my aorta and ALL is good. My Anneurysm is stable…no growth from last year which is awesome! I had a physical done too and he wants me on cholesterol lowering drug..he said even if I lost weight that I have genetically going to have issues because of heart disease in my family. He wants to minimize it. I have an ultrasound of my ovaries today…ever since I had my partial Hyst. they have been forgotten. I have been having some pain in my pelvis off and on and he wants to make sure its not my ovaries. Its the kind I had when I had a cyst on my ovaries. He is also sending me to see a specialist for Gyno stuff. It’s funny because I took my husband with me…he wasn’t feeling well so I figured since we have the same docter he could check my husband’s throat before he examined me. rofl It’s not like my husband hasn’t been there during other pelvic checks. I am not shy. lol So Dr. Scott…yes..that is his name..and yes…I feel like singing that song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show when I say his name. lol So anyways he is pushing on me and I told him about some of my sexual issues going on..and he thinks that I have Pelvic Floor Disfunction most likely related to my connective tissue issues. Basically..this mommy is ALL stretched out. I can’t O without having to put a hot bed buddy on my arse to subside the pain I get which really makes it hard to relax. lol Although last night I had that pain without any action so who knows what is causing it. So like I said I am getting myself all sorted out. lol

I have also been getting lost in World of Warcraft…I am only blogging here now because they are offline doing maintence. Dh and I fight over whose turn it is to play on the laptop..we are SOO addicted! If ya play…my character is Jessaelyn. lol OR you can find me at Pogo and my username is Missmelx4. Come play with me!

Well…I need to start drinking water. Again..this feels weird to have an Ultrasound without having a baby in there to see. How boring this will be. Emma found some US pictures of Gabe the other day and I had such a yearning to be preggers again…of course..I don’t really want to be but I do miss the feeling you get when expecting but when I see a screaming toddler in the store both my husband and I smile as we walk by holding hands…knowing THAT is far behind us. rofl

If you happen by ..thank you for visiting. If you are an old friend..thanks for not giving up on me. lol

So much for not making this a long blogging. haha

Take care..Mel

We usually watch the morning local news in the early morning while we wait for the time to leave for the bus stop. I ran outside to feed one of our outdoor cats and out of nowhere I could hear Jesse yelling for me. I came back in and asked what was wrong and he was outraged by the news.

The story was on Autism and how its still on the rise in our country…nothing new there. It wasn’t so much the content as it was they kept referring to Autism as a disease. Jesse was so offended…he knows that its not a disease. He didn’t catch Autism..he didn’t sleep with someone and catch it..nobody sneezed on him and he came down with it and he knows that sitting next to someone that he can’t give it away as much as I think he would love to sometimes.

I know its not the newscaster’s fault..they are just a puppet. They read the script and don’t think about their words and how ignorant they sound when its not given out right. I am outraged too…how many other kids listen to the morning news or maybe an ignorant parent who might actually believe its a disease that can be caught?

I assured Jesse I would contact WWMT which is our local news and tell them how outraged my 12 yr old Autistic son felt listening to their misinformation…it made him feel like they were saying Autism was an illness when in fact we don’t know what causes Autism but in my heart I know Jesse was born with it and it had everything to do with Genetics the same way my Marfans…and his…were caused. I have heard major news networks refer to my connective tissue disorder as a disease…it just makes you want to scream. Your job as a news outlet is to be journalistically responsible to those you are giving information out to…GET IT RIGHT!!

I know it might seem insignificant thing to be upset about…but you didn’t see the look on my son’s face. It was a look of outrage and hurt.

Okay…I am off to bitch at our local news. Thanks for reading my rant!! I hope you can take it with you and if anyone else refers to Autism as a disease you can set them straight!
——–UPDATED———

I exchanged a few emails with the News Anchor and all is better. lol

Read on :

Hi Jeff,
I am actually writing not just for me but for my son Jesse who is affected by Autism. At the age of 2 we were told Jesse would never be able to talk or learn and given no direction as to who to turn to for help. I know you don’t have children so I will tell you how it felt. It was as if someone or something…a dream…died for me. I was devastated because I had a beautiful little boy who was locked inside himself and at the time they said he was severely autistic. I grieved for about a day and then as a mother I got angry. Angry with the pediatrician for dropping the ball with my son and in my book..gave up and encourage me to accept the dx. I turned to Early On and within 6 mos our son said his first word which was D’Donalds…EVERYTIME we passed a McDonalds. lol From there it snowballed and he began mimicking words and interacting more with speech therapy, weekly OT and twice a week playgroups at Doris Klaussen Center in Battle Creek.

You are probably wondering why I am telling you my son’s story? Well, Jesse is now 12 and just entered Middle School as a 6th grader. He is still lagging behind his peers but he is a bright, sensitive and articulate young man with passion about his views from politics to simple things in life. Jesse is no longer considered a severe Autistic…in fact he is high functioning and labeled as having Aspergers. He has worked hard and has gone from a non verbal little boy to a non stop talking and thinking young man who makes anyone smile with his jokes and stories.

Now to the point of my email…Jesse was watching the news cast before he left for the bus this morning at 7am and he heard your story on Autism. I was in another room at the time but my son became very agitated with you…I know its not you personally that writes the scripts and if it is I hope you will listen or pass this on to the right person. Apparently you kept reporting that Autism was a DISEASE…when in fact its a disorder. The difference between disease and disorder are simple. Jesse and the millions of other kids affected by it did not catch Autism. They didn’t sit next to someone and have them sneeze on them and catch it, they didn’t get a fever and come down with it and they didn’t drink from the same water fountain and catch it. A disorder is something that often times is not understood such as Autism but it is firmly believed it has everything to do with the roll of the dice of Genetics. Similar to another disorder that he has which is Marfan Syndrome…which I have heard even major news networks refer to as a disease.

Please if you are going to report on something Get IT RIGHT! Again, I am not blaming you personally and whoever wrote the script didn’t think about the children out there with this disorder who suddenly hear that what they have is a disease. What about the children who don’t have it but know my son has it..will they suddenly ignorantly think they will catch it from Jesse. Do you know how easy a target he already is? Kids are cruel and I can imagine him being taunted with the idea that he carries a disease when he doesn’t and kids not wanting to be near him just in case he does.

I calmed my son down and explained that even adults don’t understand about Autism and I would write to you personally and hope to enlighten you or whoever else needs to understand. Jesse was hurt and it might not matter because you don’t know him personally. I work hard as a mom of a Special Needs child to empower him and to protect him..and I realize I can’t protect him from everything. I am proud of him for getting mad about such a little word…it means I am doing my job to raise a child who is thinking and passionate.

Thank you for taking the time to read through my email.

Sincerely,
Melissa and Jesse
————–
Subject: Re: A comment about the Autism Story
In a message dated 9/5/2008 8:13:17 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jvarner@WWMT.com writes:
Thank you so much for your email. My best friend has 2 autistic children, and so I’m very aware of the disorder and how it affects not only children, but their parents and loved ones. I went back through our scripts and am actually cutting and pasting for you from our system:
[TAKE VO](***VO***)[Anchor:HOLLY](***HOLLY***)
FIRST … SCIENTISTS CLAIM THERE’S A GENE THAT MAKES GUYS CHEAT.
NOW … THEY’VE FOUND ONE THAT THEY SAY MAKES MEN FEAR COMMITMENT.
THE RESEARCHERS SAY IT’S THE SAME GENE … CONNECTED TO AUTISM.
AND … WHILE IT MIGHT EXPLAIN WHY GUYS SOMETIMES DRAG THEIR FEET WHEN IT COMES TO TYING THE KNOT … SCIENTISTS ARE MORE INTERESTED IN THE AUTISM LINK.
THEY’RE HOPING THE DISCOVERY WILL HELP THEM BETTER UNDERSTAND THAT DISORDER.

Perhaps in transition comments one of us accidentally called it a disease. I apologize for that possiblity. I’ve sent an email to the team to make sure they understand never to call it a disease.

I’m so grateful you wrote. Please explain to Jesse we meant no harm if we accidentally said disease. We do know better. I appreciate you took time to share your story.

Jeff Varner
Morning/Noon Anchor
WWMT Newschannel 3
——————-
Subject: Re: A comment about the Autism Story

Jeff,
thank you so much for responding back and I will share this with Jesse as well. I have tried to make Jesse understand that everyone makes human mistakes…even News Anchors. lol I appreciate the apology.

I think there is so much misunderstood about Autism and how there are so many affected by this Spectrum disorder. Its too bad that your station couldn’t do a human interest piece on kids affected and instead of concentrating on how hard it is and the severe form of it…concentrate on the strides that these kids make and how they are just like any other child in many respects. My son has faced so much discrimination by his peers because he is misunderstood. Of course I counter it by telling him that I am sure Bill Gates was misunderstood a lot too and that it is believed he has a form of it as well…and look at him now? These kids aren’t retarded which is the biggest misinformation out there.

Thanks again and I am sorry to rant on.

Sincerely, Melissa
———————
His Reply:
good for you with the gates analogy. what a wonderful example his success set for families affected by autism. if you don’t mind, i’d like to keep your contact information in the event i do a future story on autism. not sure if you and jesse would be interested in helping us with a story, but if we do one, i’d love to reach out to you.

let me know,
jeff
—————-
My last reply:

Jeff, I think that would be great!

Anything that can influence a change in how Special Needs children whether it be Autism, ADHD or Downs Syndrome is perceived by others. I am involved in a committee of Parents called the Parent Advisory Committee..PAC for short in Allegan County. Every year we have a ceremony to give recognition to those who have made a difference in a Special Needs child’s life and their family. There are bus drivers, neighbors and of course, teachers who are nominated by a personal letter to us. Its not a fancy ceremony due to budget constraints but our last ceremony left us all with a tear in our eye…it was of pride for these kids. We also gave recognition to kids who were graduating and were in Special Education…kids that exceeded what was originally expected of them. The ceremony is usually held in April or May and I would love to invite you at that time as well to see this special community of professionals, kids and parents come together for one cause and that is Special Education.

I am a mom with a child with Autism but I also have a child with ADHD and I recently found out that my 3rd son is Cognitively Impaired. Its tough but that’s life and the more we can shed light on these special kids and that they are special for more than just having a disorder the better their future can be. The more empowered they will be to be successful.

Let me know when and if you would like to do something and I will be happy to be a part of it. I would want the focus on the kids and the great things that Public schools are trying to do to make a difference for these kids. The No Child Left Behind Act has not made it easy nor Michigan’s decline thanks to our economy.

Thanks again..
Melissa

Yesterday I met up with my mom in Plainwell for clothes she bought for Em n Gabe for school and she gave me a check to help out with the older boys. Thank GOD for my mom! We left her to have dinner at Camp Geneva with my husband. Its Family Camp weekend and we have barely seen him. He leaves by 4:30am and doesn’t get home until nearly 8pm. I was hoping he would take some time off with me next week while the kids are at school but its too busy yet. Now that camp is done we jump right into retreat and conference season. No rest for the weary when you work in hospitality!

After dinner I took the kids down to the beach and they played in the water, Jesse likes to scare me and walk out into the water about 20ft. The water was just past his belly button at that point but it still scares me to have him OUT that far and not holding my hand…I know he isn’t 2 anymore but even at 12 its hard to let them be more independent. lol We were going to go back this afternoon but we decided to stay home and swim in our own little lake and grill. I think I might talk Ron into one last Bonfire for the summer. Later I have to take Matt shopping for clothes. I am going to be so broke by the time this is all over. ugh

If I have a loss this week I will be surprised, my body keeps toying with me. It has tinkered and toyed with 216 soo many freaking times and then it goes back up to 216.4. I think its water weight..its been REALLY HOT lately. Hopefully by Tuesday it will settle below 216. lol That would be REALLY nice!

Well, I need to figure out some breakfast. I think I will have an egg over easy w/ 1/2 a light English Muffin w/ ICBINB Light and a lt n fit yogurt. yummm

Just a reminder: 24 hrs until my kids go back to school!!! whoohooo

I had a pretty good week of eating..controlled. I went to our first football game to see our son march and I didn’t get anything from the concession stand. YEA Mel! lol The pics of Matt aren’t the best because my camera isn’t the greatest. lol My kid is holding a trombone ( he is the only one I think-small school) to the left of him is a kid wearing brown shorts…Matt has blue jeans.

———

My baby is 14 now…oy!

I had a rough day yesterday and I can’t believe I didn’t turn to food to get through it. We have been doing testing for my son Gabe who we have known had a learning impairment and we thought possibly Aspergers like my son Jesse. We got the feedback from the Neuro Psych we have been working with…the dx is Cognitive Impaired. He also is impaired with his motor skills due to his having Marfans like me. He has trouble writing because he doesn’t have the strength to hold the pencil for long. Its been a struggle to get the resource teacher to listen to me last year but at least now I have back up. The Dr. did her own research and testing on Gabe and she agreed with me 100%. Gabe shut down last year, I nearly pulled him out of school. He didn’t progress and in some ways regressed with skills. I won’t put him through it again. He starts on Tuesday but I am going to request a meeting and we may be moving him to a more inclusive school. The Dr. recommended they scale back when they expect from him. He is in 3rd grade now but cognitively our son is still 5 yrs old. I think we need to move him to a special school so that he doesn’t have that pressure…the teasing stops…and he can have time to catch up hopefully and feel good about himself. The special school’s purpose is to build your child up so they can return back to main stream. The Dr. offered to come to his IEP or come and talk to the school team on her recommendations for free because she is afraid our son is slipping through the cracks. He needs much more support than what I think the school can give right now due to the pressures from the state and the NO CHILD left behind act that has done nothing more than cause more problems for our special needs children. The Dr. also recommended they get more technology for Gabe to use in lieu of using a pencil…again that takes funding and a willing teacher. I am praying that his new resource teacher will be as supportive as she was with our Autistic son.

So yesterday I was feeling devastated, similar to how you feel when you are told your child is Autistic or a miscarriage. I can say that because I have been through both. I am slowly getting back into what my oldest calls “Mommy Mode” lol.I have contacts that I can call on in Special Education, due in part because I am involved in the PAC for Special Ed. I represent our district county wide. I did have a craving to go buy chocolate and cry but I didn’t. Maybe I am turning a corner on the battle of emotional eating.

No plans for our holiday weekend…just Back 2 School shopping (yes I am a procrastinator lol) and we will spend the afternoon by the pool at Geneva either today or tomorrow. I also need to do laundry and figure out what the kids are going to wear the first week.

I need to eat breakfast…have a safe Labor Day Weekend!

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list for today:
umm
Finish my accounting 2 project
Go to school and turn it in
Laundry
Take my 2 youngest to their meet n greet at school
Go to the bank and grocery store

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Fresh vegs (mushrooms, tomato, carrots etc ) dipped into Hummus
Almonds mixed with a 100 cal snack from Hersheys
Kashi Bars
fresh sliced avocado drizzled with balsalmic
sugar free Philly swirls..0 pts

4. Things I would do if I were a billionare:
Take care of my debts and loved ones
Buy a home big enough for our family and my mother can have a separate carriage house lol
Do more to support charities like the National Marfan Foundation and Autism Research
Take a family vacation and hire a nanny so dh and I can have our time too.

5. Places I have lived:
Athens, Texas
Several places in Michigan…from Wixom to Mackinac Island

And who am I tagging?

Well, if you want to do this meme, please do! Then come back here and tell me.

Check out the blog where I snagged the Meme from as well. Thanks

4 POUNDS & 8 whole ounces!!

The meeting was good, talked about your mindset when you eat and your comfort zone and do you know what it feels to be satisfied when you eat or do you eat until you are bloated because you can’t recognise the sensation of having enough. I have that problem, often I will inhale my food because I am on the run or WAY too hungry so I am in starving mode. I have really worked on my portions so that I can avoid over eating and I have focused on eating at regular times even if its something small. My favorite snack right now is a small handful of almonds in a snack baggie and I add a small bag of 100 Calorie Snacksters from Hersheys.

They have them in two different flavors:
HERSHEY’S – cereal puffs, chocolate chip cookies, and semi-sweet & milk chocolate chips 2pts
REESE’S – cereal puffs, peanut butter chips, cereal squares, and REESE’S PIECES 2pts

I am a PB girl so I usually go for the Reese’s. lol Mix with a lil bit of almonds and chased with a bottle of water and you are FULL. In all the snack is 4 pts if I add almonds but its worth it and I am not reaching for something else 20 minutes later.

I did have one bummer though. I called my mom after to share my good news. I have to chalk it up to my mom wasn’t thinking about how her words could hurt me but instead of just being happy she edged it with don’t be surprised when you gain it all back. I was astounded to hear her say that and I rebutted with that I plan not to. Her idea is that I have been under the weather and not eating as much because of it so when I am better I will gain it all back. Well, I disagree because I kind of feel like my stomach has shrunk some too and I am just not as hungry. I feel MORE in control than I have been in the past and even if she is right what a thing to say to someone who WAS on a high from feeling good. I quickly got off the phone with her so I wouldn’t say something out of anger or hurt and I haven’t called her tonight. I am sure she will call me tomorrow but I at this moment feel deflated and not sure if I want to talk to her. After I hung up with her I called and left my husband a voice mail about it all and my loss and when I got to work he gave me a hug and was really happy for me. He knows this is important to me and he has been really supportive.

How do we deal with loved ones who say things inadvertantly to sabotage you?

I am chalking it up to she is going on 64 and just wasn’t thinking her words out. I dunno..I love my mom and she is my best friend but sometimes I have to wonder WTF is she thinking kwim? I need to get busy on homework before DS #1 needs to be picked up from band practice at 9pm.

Dentist

I spent the rest of the day recovering at home with my friend Vicodin. lol By Thursday I had the beginning of a sinus infection. Friday I lost my voice completely..that’s always fun. NOBODY TAKES you seriously when you squeak especially your kids. An hour before I had to pick my dh up from the airport I went into Prime Care and got a young baby face Dr. I explained to him what I felt my dx was because its a history thing with me. He was sure I had strep but I assured him it was pharyngitis (look it up)…he did a strep anways and the rapid came back negative. I told him not to make the mistake the last Dr. I saw there made and that is give me a weak antibiotic. The last time that happened I ended up in the ER with a mild concussion two days after I finished the round of med because I got dizzy and fell due to a massive sinus infection. He then said he was sending the strep out for a culture…fine whatever…but he was going to give me Omnicef which is more heavy duty than regular Amoxicillin. He was listening. lol He wanted to give me Flonase but I asked him if he knew whether it was safe for me to take considering my hypertension and aortic dilation. He quickly backed down, I don’t think he really knew but he didn’t want to take a chance since my aorta meaures 4.1 right now. lol

My silver lining this week: I dropped down to 216lbs Thursday because I was unable to eat.
What sucks: I have been taking Vicodin since Wednesday afternoon and I have gained 3lbs NOT from being able to eat but because of the constipation. So once I can go I should be down a few lbs hopefully. roflmao

LIFE!

The good part of this camp is that I work there but that bad part is that I work there. lol I watched Gabe play in the field outside my window today and at one point he plopped down with his head on his knees. OH NOOO I know that body signal. It took about 5 minutes for his counselor to notice, they were all playing a game of relay tag and you are talking about 50 kids on the field running back and forth. The counselor plopped beside him and talked to him and pretty soon Gabe got up with him and took a walk. I pray he is able to reach my son over the next few days. Jesse looked a little lost, he is a loner due to his Autism. Before he walked into his cabin he said to me “Mom…I have a good feeling that I might make a friend here!” Jesse has no idea how my heart prays that he truly does make a connection with a friend. It was like the first day of Kindergarten all over again and I was a bit teary as I walked away with my husband and youngest. Ron put his arm around me and said “They will be fine honey!” Easy for him to say. lol

So it was an emotional day for me. I didn’t let myself go though…I stayed on plan and I am feeling good about that. I had no control really what happened at camp but I had total control over how I was going to react and worry. I came in just under my taget of 29 pts and plan to get my last 20 oz of H20 before bed for a total of 60. I got in all my servings of veggies n fruits, oils and dairy. I’m GOOD!

The scale moved down a lil bit this morning so I am moving in the right direction. Just need to take it one day at a time.

I have been thinking about that qoute a lot lately, especially when it comes to eating healthy and getting exercise in. I got into a cycle of hiding food for awhile, I don’t know why I did. I don’t have anyone that would chastise me for my choices, except myself. Sometimes I hid it because of the kids, if they saw me eating something sweet then they would want it too and I didn’t want to share it. Selfish I know. lol

This past week I have really strived to focus on doing right even though nobody is looking. I haven’t felt the need to get my fair share in..something I think I have held onto since I was a kid. I had two big brothers and if you didn’t get your share you might as well kiss it goodbye. Its pretty much the same thing in my house now. Before WW’s I had bought some Ben N Jerry’s and I was proud that I could eat just a few bites and put it back in the freezer…it met my need without consuming the whole thing. Only to find out a few nights later when I had another craving my ice cream was GONE! Both my husband and oldest son are the culprits and it really makes for a bitchy mommy! lol

So along with staying OP I am trying to focus on those habits that I developed since I was a kid and retraining my thinking about food. No hording or hiding…and I am striving to eat right and live a healthy attitude even though nobody is watching.

I had a pretty good OP Tuesday and even got my exercise in. I got busy with my homework when I got home and figured I would have to skip it. It was 10pm and I asked my dh if he would mind going with me down to the lake so I could swim. My husband is a magnut for mosquitoes and sweat flies and every bite makes him swell. I was surprised that he agreed to go with me…I decided to skinny dip which I am sure is a big motivator on his part. lol He doesn’t swim as well as me so he bobbed along on his innertube. lol We did two laps on the lake and it was beautiful…no moon but the stars were out in abundance. We had beautiful music provided by the crickets and frogs and a few jumping fish. The water had a mist over it so my nudie butt wasn’t as apparent to the neighbors who might look out their back windows. lol DH asked if I wanted to do it again tonight..he wants to be supportive. lol

I truly need to get moving. Its going on 10 am and I need to get my breakfast in and sort laundry and pack for 2 of my kids who are leaving for 3 day summer camp tomorrow. I am totally NOT ready for it. ugh